We all have dated that one person that isn’t right for us. However, sometimes, for some unfortunate ones like me, they don’t notice it until it’s too late. They’re too far invested, or they feel like people are going to judge them and say “I told you so.” Just a word of advice if you are in a situation like this, it’s never too late. You are better off ending things now than waiting until something horrible happens.
For example, a year ago I started dating this guy who I thought was a nice person in the beginning. Deep down I knew he wasn’t anything that I ever wanted, but I was tired of being alone and I thought may be having someone will make me a little less anxious.. As it turns out, he was absolutely horrible. I turned into someone I never wanted to be. Fast forward to a month later, I was laying in a hospital bed fighting for my life. I ended up in an accident that about took my leg and my life. It wasn’t until a week after the accident I realized that this “relationship” wasn’t worth being unhappy and hating my life. I acted like I was happy in front of my family and friends when actually I wasn’t.
After breaking up with the person who made me almost die, my anxiety went through the roof. I never really understood people who had panic attacks. Sure, I might’ve had one every once in a blue moon, but after the accident, I had them constantly. It got so bad that my doctors had to put me on a prescription to get it under control.
I couldn’t sleep. I kept reliving every incident leading up to the accident. I knew he had been drinking. So, why did I get in with him? I could’ve died more than once in that night. Nobody knows that. I have been holding it in for an entire year. It’s been eating me away because I know what people will say once they hear it. “What were you thinking?! Are you stupid?” Yes, I was stupid. Back then, I thought we loved each other. That’s what I keep telling myself. I know better now. It wasn’t love. It was all because I didn’t want to be alone.
Little did everyone know that guy took more than just my ability to walk normally again. He took my sanity, along with other things that I won’t mention. Before him, I wasn’t scared to walk into a building or a crowd full of people. Now, I have to mentally prepare myself for whatever I do. There are times that I can’t have a normal conversation with my now-boyfriend because something reminds me of my past. I hate that my mistake took that from us.
I’m moving on with my life, and I have come a long ways in a year. However, I still have my moments and days where everything looks impossible. The anxiety attacks come back full force, and I wonder how I’m ever going to get through another day. It’s in times like these that I look to my support system: my boyfriend, family, and friends. I’m so glad to have such a support because they do realize that I need them to help me get through each day.
Find your support system. Don’t turn to drugs or alcohol because they will only make everything so much worse for you. Find a family member or friend who you can talk to, or go to a professional. There is nothing wrong with getting help. I’ve had plenty of it in my past, and it does wonders. Join support groups. You’re not alone.